#UpsandDowns

time-heals

You wake up in the morning in a new apartment, but you don’t have anything: no comb, no toothpaste, no clothes. You just signed a lease late last night and crashed, because you were too tired to leave and go get your stuff.

There’s also no coffee in the apartment yet – which is probably even worse than having no comb, toothpaste, or clothes. You wonder, “Did I make the right decision? Do I even want to be in this city anymore?”

“Should I just jump ship and go to Austin, Boston, or San Francisco?” Two of those cities you love like they’re your second home. One of them you’ve never been to, but you just dream about constantly.

Then, you feel depressed. You feel stuck. This shit sucks.

It’s hot as hell outside, and you’re stuck moving your belongings. Then you forget something important, and have to go back.

Now, you’re covered in sweat. Even though you just took a shower a couple of hours ago. And half of your day is gone and you got nothing accomplished work-wise.

Damn. This shit sucks.

You finally get to the office around 4pm – everyone else is leaving, or about to. You sit down, fire off some emails, set up some meetings with potential clients, brainstorm with your business partner about your upcoming product launch, work on some powerpoint slides, and generally just get shit done.

After a few hours, you head off to jiu-jitsu, still responding to emails from your phone the whole way there.

Then, you roll around for a couple of hours. You know you have to not just be so content with having an annoying guard, but you have to actually start sweeping people more, and getting to advantageous positions. So you work on that. Hit a couple of good ones. You dominate a couple of guys bigger than you, just because they’re newer to the sport than you are. The bigger they are, the more susceptible they are to half-guard recoveries from side control, like “goddamn it! How the hell did he get his leg back in there?”

After training, you’re hot as hell again. Sweaty. Tired. Your right knee is tweaked. Your left pinky might be broken – its swollen, and you’re kind of sure it shouldn’t bend like this. But, you kind of don’t care. Because its your pinky. On your left hand. Probably the least important finger you have.

You go into the locker room and take a shower, and apparently take one of the longest showers out of anybody, because you’re one of the last guys to leave the gym. Then again, not everybody showers at the gym after training. You wonder “how could they do that? How could they go home sweaty?” Then, you remember that you’ve done it a hundred times, but part of the reason you shower at the gym now – if you’re really being honest with yourself – is because there’s soap and shampoo already there. And the more showers you can take at the gym the less often you have to buy soap and shampoo at your own place. Because that’s what your life has come to: pinching pennies on frivolous bathroom supplies.

Then you head back to the office. But, on your way back, you stop and get some dinner. And, even grab a beer, because, “hell, why not?”

Then, you eat your dinner. You take a sip of your beer and have a conversation with yourself about the direction of your company. Yeah, you talk to yourself when no one else is around. Just like crazy people do.

Then, you take another sip of your beer. And, you smile. And, you think to yourself, “Damn, my life is great. What the hell was I depressed about this morning?”

#UpsandDowns

I’m Going to Start Writing Again [The Comeback of My Blog]

There’s a been a lull in my writing. A long one.

In 2014, I just didn’t write much at all.

Partly this is justifiable, but also maybe partly it isn’t.

The reason why it is a bit justifiable is the same reason I would stop reading English books for a bit: to focus on things. Namely studying Chinese, training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or working and making money.

Priorities are always flip flopping around in life. But, to some extent I’m cool with that. I’m cool with riding a bit of a wave on certain priorities. I’m busy with work this month, then I’m busy with work this month. If I’m not so busy with work, maybe I’m in the gym everyday, training.

While I am cool with these priorities flopping around a bit, I do to some extent wish I was a bit more consistent with things. I don’t really wish I was a robot, but I do wish I was pushing some things out on a more consistent basis.

I’ll use training as an example: going to the gym everyday for a month and then taking the next month off vs. going three days a week consistently for 2 months. Which is better?

Theoretically, I don’t really know. And, personally, I’m cool with, or I want to be cool with to some extent, the former – going everyday for a month, and then chilling for a month. Why? Because it allows for intense focus, and then in the off-time it allows for a focus on something else.

But, there’s also a lot to be said for the later. Going consistently for 2 months certainly does more for building up a habit. It’s not yet quite as automatically as brushing your teeth before bed, but there is something to say about habits that they take less mental focus (i.e.: less decision-making: going to the gym is something I do on these days, therefore it gets done and I’m there before I know it. There’s no internal debate about whether to go or not go going on.) And this is really what a lot of the goals boil down to with habit-building. This is why its nice to have a nice routine.

But, its also nice to shake things up. To break from the routine once in awhile.

There’s no perfect answer to life. There’s no straight line to success.

It looks more like this:

Success

So. I want to write again. Think again. Pretend to be an intellectual. Flesh out my thoughts. Something like that.

Should I write daily? I should. Should I do BJJ daily? I should. Should I study Chinese daily? I should. Should I work everyday so that I have money to do things I want to do? I should.

And, the list builds up again. There’s not enough time in the day for it all. So, I ride the waves. The ebbs and flows.

I do want to be more consistent though.

So, I’m going to write again.